I have a Problem

Its the 6th of January. that's 6 days since I told myself for the millionth time that I won't eat more than I need... that I won't binge. But did that work? of course not. Because yes sadly I am another fat girl that is struggling and probably always will be struggling with her weight. I have been dieting since for as long as I can remember but nothing seems to work. I am doing much better than I was though because there was a point in time when i weighed almost 100 KGS!! I lost about 30 of that and have gained back about 5-6. my height is 161 cms and I should weight about 60-65 Kilos but noooo I have to weight a pesky 10-15 more than that :@
Am I going to stay a fat girl for ever? I really hope not.
I have tried every single diet known to man. Atkins, Southbeach, JUDDD ummm the normal eat less diet everything.. Currently I am at a point where I can't stick to much so sadly I have been attempting to make myself vomit and I am successful most of the time. I feel guilty everytime I eat something and I instantly wish that I hadn't eaten what I just had.
For instance for the past few days I've been trying to eat one meal a day and its been working until today when one meal around 7pm was getting me hungry by 2am. So, I went to the kitchen and grabbed everything in sight!! this is what i ate:
- a banana with 1 tbs peannut butter
- a glass of full fat milk
-1 cup potatoe chips
-2 cups popcord
-a pita bread
-some fried potato dish
-some cherry cobler (the butter in that dish in unbeleivable)
-2 pieces chocolate cake
-a cinnamon roll
and that is all in one go!! I cannot beleive this it sounds even worse after I wrote them all down.
Of course, after that I went to the bathroom and tried to throw it all up but it didn't work for me this time. All I got was an aching side, red eyes and a sore throat.
I need to change I need to control myself and what I eat. I am thank God a succesful, beatiful and smart girl. I am 21 years old and have hopefully a lot of things going for me and I'm not going to have my obsession with losing weight brng me down. I'm going to lose weight and lose it right!!
Today is the end of an ERA!! I CAN DO THIS.. please whoever reads my blog comment and raise my spirits.
I am going to continue trying out new diets and keep changing them frequently so I don't get bored. But I will lose weight this time and without throwing my food up.
I am going to take my diet day by day and change it when I please. This diet has no set rules but it does have a set goal to lose 10 kilos by the end of march I really hope I can do it.
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Tomorrow still the 6th of january lol I am going to try the fruit diet eat nothing but fruit the whole day and drink 8 glasses of water. I really hope this works
Current weight: 75 KGS Next goal: 73 Kgs by the 13th of January.